Modeling

Last night at my house I was able to get a glimpse of my parenting style. Normally my oldest son and I are the ones who play the Wii together. However last night, I was busy with some household chores and my wife was watching him play when he asked her to play Wii Sports Tennis Golf with him.

If you have ever played these versions of golf and tennis before, you know they are not the most accurate. I could hear my wife starting to get frustrated with the game when my son decided he was going to "coach" her a little bit.

From the other room, I started hearing these phrases:

• It's ok
• You can do it
• That was close
• That was closer

Then when she had some sucess, I started to hear these phrases:

• That's better
• You're doing great
• Good job

It made me smile to hear the same phrases I use with him when he was learning the same games a few weeks ago.

This observation made me realize that EVERYTHING I say and do has an impact on the future of my sons.  If I would have modeled an overly critical position while he was learning the games, then that is what would have come across when he was trying to teach my wife how to play. 

It also made me remember a chapter from Michelle Anthony's book called Spiritual Parenting (which will be the basis for our parenting seminar in August.  Here is the excerpt from that chapter.

"The best things your children will learn about God will be from watching you try to find out for yourself. Jesus said, "Seek and you will find." They will not always do what you tell them to do, but they will be -- good and bad -- as they see you being. If your children se eyou seeking, they will seek -- the finding part is up to God." -- Polly Berrien Berends

Then the Michelle Anthony goes on to say this about modeling:

"We have an ever-narrowing window of opportunity to maximize our influence in our children's lives. The fields of psychology and sociology tell us that we parents are the primary influencers in our children's lives from birth until twelve years old. Somehow this is almost a science. It's as if on the eve of their thirteenth birthday their brain chemsitry changes in such a way that all of a sudden the world, music, media, and friends now becomre more influential than we are! I remember thinking this wouldn't happen to my sweet children--but it did! We must be shrewd to use this window of influence and capitalize on it in childhood. I don't want to give that influence to anybody else!

In fact, I want to extend my influence in my children's lives. We can say, "Well sociology and psychology say I am the primary model for my kids from zero to twelve, but by the grace of God I want to be an influence in my child's life until the day I die." I know this is possible because of my parents."

Let me leave you with a prayer to help you be a great model in your children's life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for entrusting these children to me. Thank you for giving me the privilege of pointing them to you, even though at times I feel so undeserving of this role. Help me to be a spiritual parent -- with eyes to see what matters most to you.

I pray that you will show me how to create environments in my home and in my life in ways that will reflect the truth of who you are in them. I want them to know you accurately and fully.

May our home be a place where truth and love prevail above all else, and may your plans for my children, and myself, be fulfilled as we submit ourselves to your desires. Please reveal your desires to me, and craft my heart so that I will listen and obey. I trust your spirit to guide me and give me the wisdom and power to do the things that you desire.

I am yours. Our home is yours. The children are yours. Be glorified!

Amen.